antony is all over that album/jason

To endow the writer publicly with a good fleshly body, to reveal that he likes dry white wine and underdone steak, is to make even more miraculous for me, and of a more divine essence, the products of his art. Far from the details of his daily life bringing nearer to me the nature of his inspiration and making it clearer, it is the whole mystical singularity of his condition which the writer emphasizes by such confidences. For I cannot but ascribe to some superhumanity the existence of beings vast enough to wear blue pajamas at the very moment when they manifest themselves as universal conscience.
roland barthes

are you listening to the new album by hercules and love affair? it is so fucking awesome. minimalist disco revival. but it's specifically related to you in my mind right now, because the last song on it is called "true false/ fake real." (which is already an awesome thing to sing over and over and over again to a disco beat). but also, i saw a youtube interview with andrew butler, the guy who's behind it all (antony's also all over the album, even singing some kind of bass on a song called "easy"). and? "true false/ fake real," he says, is indebted to his love for the muppets! we are not alone !!!!!... or this photo by idris kahn of every page from barthes's camera lucida?

why don't we ascribe that to everything. for instance, tonight i'm going to order really good matzoh ball soup and possibly the best pastrami sandwich on the west side. i, personally, like red wine. lately syrah. i do like steak underdone. he has what to say about rare steak, somewhere. he's dazzled the way poe was blown the fuck out, like we are dazzled. the beauty and gorgeousness of it all. a friend of mine called that out a long time ago. i'll have to find that entry for you. that's why i burst into tears at the weirdest moments, because there's still things as they are. that's more than lovely. and i'm wearing plaid pajama bottoms and my uggs. which are in serious need of being let be. huge holes in the sole, they're wrecked, but comfy (like in nautica). did you have a good session last night? did you do things that blew your mind? did you listen to the threat of rain? that's what i meant by that song lyric hold my love me or leave me high i black out sometimes during sex, so does she, my mind just assumes various polarization states. and i've lost my body, i've become something pure. it hurts. it's gone beyond hurt. or the pleasure. probably both. i certainly know, at points, that we're the locus of a vast energy. it's weird too, because i'm also massively human in that. i need so much and i'm angry. and there's the joy. onwards in the sense that you're feeling a power vacuum. power is vulnerable, remember?

hearing the birds in the morning is a respite. how far do we go? why do we black out? what would jason do?

fucking gets deeper, more scary, more unhinged, less known and it's a bitch to talk about. for me it is. i'm usually at a complete loss. and when you come "home", and i love that image of you leaning out the window smoking, that's beautiful. so you hear morning come alive. how the hell to talk about it or write it? because all else seems to be bullshit. especially in the quiet of the morning. i've had so many mornings like that, coming out onto the street still high after dancing or fucking all night, whatever kind of club (you in paris, berlin, me in san francisco or here). i want orange juice. the air feels warm. i don't want to talk. a walk by the river, it's quite beautiful and vast in the morning before the flattening light. spent, tired, happy.

Most of our platitudes notwithstanding, self-deception remains the most difficult deception. The tricks that work on others count for nothing in that very well-lit back alley where one keeps assignations with oneself: no winning smiles will do here, no prettily drawn lists of good intentions. Our Lady Joan of the Didion.

i was clearing out my emails this afternoon and came across this. it is awesome...

oh my god so cool it's like a celebrity junket. and here's what LL has to say about it:

"I think it's crucial to maintain eye contact when you're discussing complex matters with the likes of John Updike, Doris Lessing, Bill Bradley, Mark Morris, and Francis Ford Coppola, all of whom are return guests..." says LL.

so remember, don't break eye contact. drill into his head with your eyes.