A preface to what is to come

OK. So I've just been in Berlin for the longest time ever, up until now. That means I have a lot to write about and figure out.

I have a hat now, a little skater's cap, that hardly leaves my head. Today I went to buy a cigar for some sex tomorrow night and to get loops put into my ears that are a couple of milimeters wider than the one I have been wearing for the last, jesus, decade or so at least. That involved reopening a hole. In about a month, I can go get the next step up with the loops. I'm aiming for some thick posts. I'm thinking colors, like maybe green on one side and blue on the other. You know, like the ground and the sky. Things like this happen because I was on vacation in Berlin for a month, working a little bit for me. They're like wonderful unavoidable surplus from my time there. I'm ready to go back in a heartbeat, even into the heart of the worst winter Berlin has had in seventeen years. Even in those conditions, I find myself differently there, and with others, confident in the difference I'm discovering and the difference I'm making with those few with whom something like a relation begins. There are a few people like that I want to tell you about, and they're just as incomparable as you and me. I'd be happy if my paths crossed with any of theirs again. I look forward to it.

I went to Berlin thinking that even in winter I might find a prairie or two: somewhere wide and welcoming, where the wind can tickle your hair and might stir your pen to write. I think I found one or two, but it took some effort and of the hardest kind: the effort to let go. It's amazing what you get when you quit looking for what you thought you wanted. Just so long as there's more, whatever you get is good.

You know how it goes: I've somehow come back with a life that was already here to be lived, it's just that I hadn't figured out how to do it yet. I'm careful all of a sudden with what I'm doing with my time. I'm aware of efforts I spend, and can feel pleased when they sometimes bear some fruit. Let's keep it up.